Communicating through nonviolent communication


Communicating through nonviolent communication

This blog was published on the Dutch online platform Mindz of Seats2Meet in Dutch.

Since my return to the Netherlands, I am following a course on nonviolent communication at De Leefstijlspecialist. What an eye opener that was for me!


Nonviolent communication focuses both on internal communication with yourself and communication with others. You will learn to get to the core by asking questions and naming the needs of others and yourself. What others are concerned, it is in early stages a guess at needs and feelings of others, which is a way of showing a form of empathy. Only after confirming that it is correct, you can name them.

Its creator, Marshall Rozenberg calls it a way of communicating from the heart. “We learn to see our relationships in a new light when we use nonviolent communication to listen to our needs and those of our relationships,” says Marshall. These lessons grabbed me by the throat and put my needs flawlessly in communication with others and exposing myself. I recognized myself in behavior patterns defend and retreat when I was faced with condemnations and criticism. And these patterns you can break with nonviolent communication. And if you practice a lot, you can make it a habit. It’s nice that you can make this type of communication your own. It does take time, but then you have something valuable! Practice, practice not only in role-playing games, but also in real life. It is learning by trial and error.

The five elements are important in this form of communication are:

  • observations
  • feelings
  • needs
  • request
  • Compassion

It is important that you clearly express yourself and immerse yourself in the other by using the above mentioned 5 items. Sometimes someone is not waiting for advice or reassurance, but only a listening ear then nonviolence communication is the way to communicate. We call this empathy. Just be there and reflect on what the other says. The person then feels understood and that alone helps incredibly for someone to collect his thoughts. Also of interest is daring to be vulnerable. And to distinguish between feelings and thoughts. It is a way to free yourself from cultural conditioning. There are probable more communication methods that have eyes for this, but this one came along and spoke to me, and I would like to share it with you. It’s a long way to change your method of communication, have mercy on me if I fall again into old patterns:-).

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